A DBT informed, mindfulness based skills learning and recovery group for both persons who struggle with emotion regulation and their family/friends.

It is not selfish, it is self-care

I celebrate Christmas, the season of giving. I love buying gifts for my loved ones and seeing their reaction. I also do a lot of emotional giving all year around.  I want to be there for others  and I also want others to be there for me. Sadly, not everyone values helping others as much as I do so I frequently find myself drained.


There is a stereotype that people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) lack empathy. Speaking for myself and what I have noticed with others with BPD that I have met and worked with we are a group of people that can have a great amount of empathy. This can make us vulnerable to giving so much to others and not getting anything to help fill us back up. Self-care is very underrated and a very important skill to learn. Self-care will help you create a life worth living.

If you’re like me though, you may have been called selfish when you’ve tried to engage in self-care. We live in a society that seems to pride itself in over-working and many of us feel so much pressure to constantly keep going. With this cultural value, it makes sense that when we want to slow down and do something for ourselves we are seen as selfish. The fact of the matter is self-care IS NOT selfish. Self-care is smart, effective, fun, important, and life-saving.

Self-care can be anything that benefits your life, recharges you and allows you to keep going. Many of us think of self-care as special activities we do for ourselves such as bubble paths, making our favourite meal, buying ourselves a gift and going out with friends. Self-care can also include doing the tasks that help us live our daily life such as paying bills, going to the doctor for a check-up, staying home if we are sick and cleaning the kitchen. Self-care also doesn’t need to take a long time. Taking a few minutes to do some deep breathing will help you refocus and change the tone for your day.

I challenge all of you to do something for yourself this week that will benefit you. Remember,

“Self-care is not about self-indulgence, it’s about self-preservation.” – Audrey Lorde

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