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Donovan’s DBT skill of the day

There are many times with family and my fiance when there are emotions present on both sides of the conversation. I used the G.I.V.E and F.A.S.T. to make sure that I was able to maintain my self-respect and respect for my fiance. I’m always yelling when I feel my emotions rising – here is an example of when I was able to use the skills effectively. My fiance told me to get more patience when I wasn’t willing to wait. I would usually ‘snap’ and wanted to get upset, but that hasn’t been effective for me in the past. So I used:

(G)entle Manner – I told her I would try my best. Without sneering or yelling or being sarcastic. Tried to see things from her point of view. Used a very low tone of voice.

(I)nterested – I listened without interrupting. Maintained eye contact and tried to say things from her point of view. Focusing on keeping a neutral face and nodding, to let her know I was listening

(V)alidating – Thanked her for being open. Admitted that I realized that it’s hard when I become passionate about something to be patient. This impatience also makes me annoyed and I appreciate her sharing with me.

(E)asy Manner – Maintained a ‘half smile’

(F)air – Thought about what she was saying and if there were points that she was making that could help me.

No over (A)pologizing – Did not feel that I have to apologize. Explained how I felt and that I was really trying.

(S)tick to my values – Patience is what I value and I feel it’s part of true love. So what I want to receive, is also what I want to give. I am working on gaining more patience.

(T)ruthful – I told her I would try to do everything I can to gain patience, didn’t make excuses and was honest about how I was trying to be different and how I had behaved in the past.

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